Sleep Training 3,4 & 5 Year Olds – How To Begin & Win

Can You Sleep Train a 3 Year Old?

Yes, you absolutely can sleep train a 3-year-old! At this age, your child has likely developed habits that impact their sleep, but it’s never too late to teach independent sleep skills. The key is to approach it gently and with patience, as older toddlers may protest changes more than younger children. It’s essential to use techniques that are respectful of your child’s developmental stage and temperament.

How To Sleep Training a 3 Year Old

Here’s how you can gently sleep train a 3-year-old:

1. Start with a Conversation
   • At this age, children understand more, so talk to them about the changes coming. For example, explain that everyone will sleep in their own bed and that you’ll help them learn to sleep independently.
   • Use a positive tone, and you can even blame the Sleep Lady! “The Sleep Lady says this will help everyone feel well-rested and happy.”
2. Use the Sleep Lady Shuffle
   • Begin by staying close to their bed, offering verbal and physical reassurance as needed. Gradually move farther away every few nights, eventually transitioning out of the room altogether.
3. Maintain a Calming Routine
   • Bedtime should be predictable and relaxing: bath, books, cuddles, and a security item like a stuffed animal or blanket to provide comfort.
4. Set Boundaries and Stay Consistent
   • If they get out of bed, gently return them without engaging in long conversations or giving in to requests for extra attention. Reassure them that you’re nearby and it’s time to sleep.
   • Consistency is crucial! If you change the rules mid-process, it can confuse your child and lead to more tears.

 

Cry It Out & 3 Year Old Sleep Regression

I do not recommend the “cry it out” method for 3-year-olds. It can increase anxiety and make bedtime battles worse at this age. Instead, use the gentle Sleep Lady Shuffle which provides structure while ensuring your child feels safe and supported.

3-Year-Old Sleep Regression:

The 3-year sleep regression is common at this age, often linked to developmental milestones, big transitions (e.g., potty training or moving to a big-kid bed), or changes in the household. To navigate a regression:

• Stay consistent with routines and expectations.
• Use the Shuffle to avoid creating new sleep crutches.
• Offer plenty of connection during the day to address separation anxiety.

Sleep regressions usually resolve within 2–6 weeks with gentle and consistent approaches

 

 

 

Sleep Training 4 year Old

 

A mom named Ally wrote to my Facebook page asking about sleep training a four-year-old. She asked:

My daughter is almost four years old and has been having a hard time lately falling asleep without our assistance. She needs us to hold her hand, snuggle or something that keeps us in the room.
My daughter doesn’t nap anymore. She wakes up between 7 and 8 a.m. and her bedtime is usually at 7:30 or 7:45. But she doesn’t fall asleep until 8:30 to 9:15. Should I try putting her to bed earlier? How can I teach her to fall asleep faster and on her own? –Ally

I’ll help Ally:

• Eliminate medical issues
• Find an appropriate bedtime
• Use a Sleep Manners Chart
• Learn The Shuffle for sleep training

How Long Has This Been Going On?

Ally, if I were doing a consultation with you, I would ask you if you have been lying down with her for some time. Often it starts when we transfer our toddlers from crib to bed. In order to keep them happy and in their bed we find ourselves, often inadvertently, lying down with them. Then we just fall asleep ourselves and sleep there the rest of the night.

I don’t know some of those details, but I would start here:

Get the Green Light From Your Doctor

Since she is four years old I want you to rule out underlying medical conditions.

Check here first:
Read: Starting Sleep Training? 10 Steps To Take BEFORE You Start:

Believe it or not, obstructive sleep apnea happens with children also. Enlarged tonsils and adenoids are usually the cause. One of the many symptoms of sleep apnea is difficulty going to sleep at bedtime.

Also ask yourself:

• Does she snore?
• Mouth breathe? 
• Is she a restless sleeper? 
• Does she sweat when she sleeps?

Of course, if there’s any history of allergies or reflux — or a history of other medical issues — please share all of this with your doctor. Make sure you ask him or her to check  her tonsils and adenoids as well.

Use a Sleep Manner Chart

Let’s say that none of those are the issue. Perhaps she got sick or you went on a trip and started sleeping with her and now you are stuck in your current situation that you want to change.
I would recommend you do the following:

1. Have a family meeting.
2. Create a sleep manner chart. (All of these things are outlined in my book Good Night Sleep Tight and/or the Workbook.)
3. Tell her that you “talked to the Sleep Lady and she said that we were supposed to teach you how to put yourself to sleep when you were much younger. We are going to teach you how and we’re going to stay with you while you learn.”
4. Every night and morning review this sleep manner chart with her.

Find the Right Bedtime

When you plan your first night of sleep coaching — to sleep coach and use the manner chart— you will need to make sure it’s an early enough bedtime. Since she is sleeping until 7 a.m. and is four years old, she could probably go to sleep closer to 8 p.m. However, watch her sleep cues because these will override the “sleep averages”. Watch for a time where she seems to have lower energy and hasn’t yet gotten a second wind.

Are you wondering about schedules and bedtimes?
Read: Sleep Schedules – Your Two-and-a-Half-Year to Five-Year-Old

Sleep Training a Four-Year-Old Begins with Sitting With Her

Have a soothing bedtime routine that you follow so that lights are out at that time and give final kisses goodnight.

Start first by sitting up next to her.

I have some rules in my book about what you can and can’t do when sitting next to her. Sit next to her offering physical and verbal reassurance until she is asleep.

Bedtime Battles? Look no further:
Read: Bedtime Routine for Toddlers — Soothing and Predictable

If She Wakes Up At Night

If she’s not currently waking during the night, I don’t want you to panic if she starts to wake during the night during this process. It’s not uncommon. After all, you’re really changing your habits that she has become accustomed to and sometimes things get worse before they get better.

If she comes out of her room bring her back to her room and say, “Remember, we have to lie quietly in our bed until our wakeup light comes on.” Sit in your position by her bed.

Using The Shuffle for Sleep Training a Four-Year-Old

A lot of parents of four-years-olds will say to me, “But, Kim! Then she’s going to be used to me sitting in the room with her.” You’re not going to stay there. You’ll do that for three nights, each time she wakes up and at bedtime. Then you will sit by the door for three nights. Next, you will sit in the hall with her in view. Following that, you will sit with her out of view. Finally you can do job checks — where you tell her you will check on her after she has done each of her jobs like brushing her teeth or putting on her pjs.

So, don’t worry. You are already in there and you want to be out of her room. I don’t want you to get stuck in there. All of this is outlined in my book, Good Night, Sleep Tight.

Good luck, Ally!

 

 

 

Can You Sleep Train a 5 year Old

Yes, sleep training is possible at this age, although it may take longer to undo deeply ingrained habits. A 5-year-old can understand the importance of sleep and even participate in creating solutions. Teaching them how to fall asleep independently and stay in bed throughout the night is achievable with patience and consistency.

How To  Sleep Train a 5 year Old

1. Start with a Conversation
   • Talk to your child about the benefits of sleep. Use simple, positive language like, “Getting good sleep helps you feel strong and ready to play tomorrow.”
   • Create a sleep rules chart together with basic expectations like “Stay in bed all night” or “Wait for the green light on your clock before getting up.”
2. Use the Sleep Lady Shuffle
   • The Shuffle works well for this age group. Start by sitting next to their bed, offering verbal reassurance as needed, and gradually move farther away every few nights until you’re out of the room.
   • Remain consistent and gentle, so your child feels supported as they learn.
3. Establish a Predictable Routine
   • A soothing, consistent bedtime routine is essential. Include activities like a warm bath, brushing teeth, reading a story, and cuddling with a lovey. The routine should help your child transition from “playtime” to “sleep mode.”
   • Keep the routine in the bedroom and end with your child lying in bed, drowsy but awake.
4. Address Nighttime Fears
   • Separation anxiety and fears of the dark are common at this age. Use a dim nightlight, provide a favorite stuffed animal for comfort, and reassure your child you’ll check on them later.
   • If your child wakes up, use calm reassurance and guide them back to bed without lengthy discussions or attention.
5. Set Firm Boundaries
   • Be consistent about expectations, like staying in bed after lights out. Use techniques like returning them to bed calmly if they leave and avoiding engaging in bargaining or prolonged conversations.

Managing Common Issues

1. Bedtime Stalling
   • Children this age are often expert negotiators. Limit the number of books or songs ahead of time and stick to your plan. Blame the clock if needed: “We have time for one more story before it’s bedtime.”
2. Dropping Naps
   • While most 5-year-olds no longer nap daily, they still benefit from quiet time in the afternoon to recharge. If they’ve recently dropped naps, consider moving bedtime earlier to prevent overtiredness.
3. Night Wakings
   • Use the Shuffle to guide your child back to bed calmly. Reinforce their ability to soothe themselves by staying nearby but not engaging too much.
4. Consistency is Key
   • Mixed messages can lead to confusion and more resistance. Agree on a unified approach with all caregivers to avoid setbacks.