How Do I Stop Co-Sleeping With My Toddler?

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  • April 10, 2012
stop co-sleeping

stop co-sleeping

How Do I Stop Co-Sleeping With My Toddler?

Hi! Kim West, The Sleep Lady. And today, I’m going to answer Jordana’s question about how to stop co-sleeping with her toddler:

“I have a toddler sleep problem. My son is now 15 months old and he does sleep through night and has been since about four to five months of age. My problem is that he sleeps with me in my bed and doesn’t sleep in his crib. And with naps, too, someone has to hold him to sleep. That is what I would like to change. I would like him to take naps in a crib at my house or at my parents’ house and I would like him to sleep there during the night, too. At night, he falls asleep with his bottle and if he doesn’t, I rock him until he is completely asleep. I can sometimes lay him in his crib for a bit but then he wakes up and he wants me. I have to either bring him downstairs where I have to hold him or lie next to him on the couch and he’ll go back to sleep. Is this something I can change without him screaming for hours wondering what’s going on? Please help. Jordana.”

Eliminating the Bottle

So, a couple of important thing. It sounds like you either rock him or hold him to sleep at bedtime, during the night and for naps. He also has a bottle to sleep. I would check with your pediatrician and make sure that he/she wants him to continue with a bottle. If not, wean him.

My guess is that they would want you to wean him from the bottle at night for multiple reasons. The primary one is that you don’t want him going to sleep with milk on his teeth. I’m sure he has a few of them by now and they can get cavities at a very early age. It’s just like if you and I never brush our teeth when we went to bed, eventually we’re going to get some cavities. You can read my fuller article on how to wean from the bottle here.

Teach Him to Fall Asleep On His Own

On top of it, he is saying to you, “you know what, my crutch isn’t working”, because sometimes, giving him a bottle to sleep doesn’t work and then you have to rock him. So, he doesn’t realize it but he is telling you, “please help me learn how to put myself to sleep without being rocked and held and bottle-fed to sleep”.

So, a couple of things we can do. One, is you can co-sleep in his room where his crib is for a little while if he has his own room. And then, when you’re ready, you have your first big night and you’re going to put him in his crib and you can sleep in his room, maybe three nights, so you can attend to him quickly when he wakes up. You’re going to have to put him into bed drowsy but awake so if you want to continue to give him a bottle, ideally I would give him a bottle with the light on, stories, kisses and into bed. If you want to quickly wean the bottle, I have lots of details in “Good Night, Sleep Tight” about that but you can start to reduce the ounces and then eventually transition to a sippy cup of water if that’s really necessary before bed and then into bed awake.

How Do I Use The Shuffle to Stop Co-Sleeping?

Stay with him and follow the guidelines of The Sleep Lady Shuffle. I encourage you to read all of the rules of the Shuffle and then slowly move out of the room. Attend to each of his wakenings offering physical and verbal reassurance. Pick him up if he gets hysterical. When he cries attend to him and show him that you’re there for him to help him go to sleep.

You can also start to apply this to naps. Now, if there is something that works for him for naps, like stroller or car other than holding him then do that for naps if don’t want to nap and night sleep coach at the same time. It is hard to do night and nap training at the same time but sometimes, as parents, we have to because all of our sleep crutches are not working for the naps or night sleep!

Remember, we’re going to focus on weaning the bottle and talking to your pediatrician about that. Then you’re co-sleeping in his room for a couple of days. Finally, pick that first big night that you’re going to put him in the crib awake. Stay with him while he learns to put himself to sleep and back to sleep during the night and slowly move yourself out of the room.

I know I’m making it sound easier than it is but it is definitely possible and your life can be transformed within two weeks if you stay consistent.

Alright. Good luck, Jordana!

Video filmed by In Focus Studios

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2 Comments

  • AmyLoweUskert says:

    My daughter is 13 months old and not sleeping well at night since she was born. I have your book and we have tried the methods. She is actually very good at putting herself to sleep 90 percent of the time for naps and initially for the night. This however, has not translated to her staying asleep through the night and she seeks our comfort (holding and rocking) or a bottle.  
    Every time we seem to be making progress with getting down to 1 or 2 wakeups, something sets us back like UTI, ear infection, and most recently, she developed terrible rash and congestion in response to going from formula to whole milk.  She can then take to waking up 7-8 times a night and it will continue once the illness has dissipated.  I am thoroughly exhausted and work part time. I would love to let her cry it out sometimes but we live in apt and also, she can carry on for 45 minute stretches. She has in the past gotten so worked up she has had nosebleeds and vomiting. I feel held hostage (as I don’t want her to get sick, wake my neighbors or my other child who is 2 yrs).
     
    I am at a loss on how to solve this and want her to develop better sleep habits for herself now as I am worried it will only get harder as she gets older. By this age, we had my son sleeping for at least an 8 to 10 hr stretch even though he had slept poorly as an infant.  And, of course, I would love to get back to getting some longer stretches of uninterrupted sleep myself!  I would appreciate and love any advice or guidance.
     
    Thanks,
     Amy 

    • rlohr23 says:

      My daughter is very much the same way, she’s hasn’t slept through the night yet and she is 13 months old. We get so close (sleeping maybe 5-6 hours but then waking up 1-2 hours after that and then 1-2 hours after that) but then she will get sick start to get teeth and she back tracks to waking every 2 hours. I’m totally exhausted and I have to work full time too. I’m trying to ween her now but it seems the only thing that calms her screaming at night is nursing. For example my husband was in with her last night for an hour and she got more and more upset until he came to get me and asked me to nurse her/ she sleeps in our bed (I try not to nurse until at least 4 am normally). I’m turning back into the human pacifier and this makes me nervous when I’m trying to ween her. btw she does sleep well for naps and goes right down at daycare and at home.
      we’ve tried the shuffle but it just doesn’t seem to stick (for the above reasons) and I somehow end up back in her room every 2-3 hours at night.
      I would love to hear the response to this post! Thanks!